“You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” One of my mom’s repeated lessons to me as a kid, and a cute turn of phrase to be sure. But when working with Chinese companies, it is more than just a cliché – it is the key to unlocking powerful and productive working relationships.

  It is indisputably a challenge to bridge the gap between concrete U.S. systems and the subtleties of Chinese business, driven as much by culture as by capitalism. Add to that the language barrier and you have the perfect formula to create frustration, anger and even animosity – on both sides of the Pacific. And when the line goes dead there is no more money to be made…for anyone.

  But it need not be that way. After plenty of missteps of my own in working with Chinese clients I finally arrived at a simple truth: this guy on the other end of the phone or email exchange could be my friend, no different fundamentally than any one of my buddies in the States. He just wants to be understood, and he wants to understand me. We both want to find common ground, and if we could both just pause long enough from trying to assert our respective positions we might actually find those commonalities. And from that foundation fight forward with shared purpose.

  We’ve all read the guidebooks. The Chinese value respect, tradition, hierarchy. All true. But all useless when you’ve got to make things work on a daily basis, person-to-person, over months at a time. Be it an acquisition, an investment, a going public transaction or after market support, the “real” rules are the same. Ditch what you’ve read. Put aside your preconceived notions. Table your end goal (for now). Sit down with your Chinese opposite, look him or her in the eye and find a place where communication is more than just the train wreck of mangled Mandarin and broken English. Make a friend.

  In the world of Western finance such a “touchy feely” sentiment seems laughable. And laugh away. But look around and see who retains relationships, has bankable rolodexes and has established a real Chinese foothold. Bankers or IR guys. Auditors or lawyers. They are the ones whose handshake was more than just a required greeting – it was a sincere invitation of friendship, an acknowledgement that we have more to gain together than we do at odds with each other. And for those of us that believe in the power of relationships, it will be we that stand victorious at the end of the day.